What Happens on the Normandy
by Hyliian
Summary: A series of one-shots taking place in the "Consuming Direct Control" universe between Alex and various members of the crew. Set during various points of the ME2 timeline, before the final mission.
1. Kasumi

**Kasumi**

* * *

Boredom. The bane of his existence. Alex sighed, sinking deeper into the couch he'd dragged down from the bar on the Crew Deck, and idly stared at the shadows on the ceiling, trying to make out shapes in the darkness. He toyed with the idea of going up to Shepard's cabin and making her entertain him, but it was the middle of the 'night' (how these people kept track of time in the middle of space was a mystery even to him) and if he woke her up just because he was bored, she would probably send him out the nearest airlock.

He stilled when he heard the familiar _whir_ of his door swishing open, flicking ice-blue eyes towards the entrance as the brief flash of light dimmed again as someone stepped inside, letting the door snick shut behind them. It was pitch black in his room—he had no need for light since his eyes could see even in the darkest environments—but he easily picked out the hooded figure of the master thief living a deck above him.

He felt a brow rise to vanish in his hood, and tilted his head slightly to watch her creep into the room. What was _Kasumi_ doing here? In his room? In the middle of the night? He debated with himself on whether to stand up and make his presence known, but she had to know he was there. Did she honestly think he was asleep?

He remained silent as he watched her flit around his all but empty quarters, fingers fluttering over the few things he'd taken from other rooms on the ship and put in his own in an effort to be more human. The only thing in the room with any real value to him was the information he'd stored on the terminal Shepard had assigned him, and even that wasn't anything incriminating. Just articles he'd found on the Extranet about the 200th anniversary of the NYZ Outbreak, a few old-fashioned pictures of Manhattan taken from the United North American Archives, and a couple songs from the old days that Dana had been fond of. Alex knew better than to become attached to material things, so if Kasumi had come here hoping to find something to nick she was going to be disappointed.

He lifted himself up slightly to lean on his elbow as Kasumi settled herself in front of his terminal, fingers silently padding over the holographic keyboard as she searched for something. He watched as she glanced around cautiously, eyes passing right over where he was draped over the couch a few yards away, before she turned back to the glowing screen with a small smile.

What was she _up_ to?

Alex slid off the couch like a ghost, sliding up behind her to peer over her shoulder at the files she was looking at. It looked like she was just browsing through his search history. He wondered if she'd find the articles on the Black Plague and the sixty-seven different ways to remove a man's spleen as entertaining as he had. His eyes widened fractionally as she began to fiddle around in the file with Dana's music in it, wondering what she could possibly be getting at. She seemed as confused as he was, since she was squinting at the old mp3 files as if she'd never seen them before.

The Extranet didn't use mp3 files nowadays; sound files like that had gone out of style at least a century ago, so it was plausible that she had no idea what she was looking at. He smirked.

He supposed seeing a folder with titles like _Thriller_ and _Billy Jean_ and nothing else would be rather intriguing. Dana had always had a thing for Michael Jackson. Alex could not for the life of him figure out why.

Alex bit off a laugh when Kasumi tried to 'open' _Thriller_ and instead heard the creaky footsteps and hinges of the intro, immediately slamming the terminal off, as if afraid that would have woken him up.

"Enjoying yourself?" Alex asked casually, and watched with great amusement as Kasumi leapt from the chair, whirling to face him. Or, she _tried_ to whirl to face him, but Alex was standing so close over her shoulder that she only succeeded in slamming into him and stumbling backwards. He caught her wrist with one hand to steady her and tilted his head, grin widening at her flustered expression.

"Lexi!" Kasumi fumbled. "I thought you were asleep."

"Obviously."

Kasumi blinked owlishly, staring at where his grip still held her wrist hostage, but she made no attempt to remove it. She knew firsthand how futile it would be to try and break out of his grip. Her dark eyes flicked back up to his, as if wondering what he planned to do now that he'd caught her. Alex wondered that himself.

He liked Kasumi. She was always so happy about everything; it was a nice counterpoint to his constant _I hate you all_ attitude. Sure she had a penchant for teasing him and _touching_ him and pulling his hood down whenever he walked by, giggling when he glared at her, but she was one of the few humans he could safely call a friend.

_Friend._ Alex sighed and released her wrist, stepping back to give her some space. Kasumi beamed up at him; nothing in her expression hinted that there had been any doubt Alex would let her go. He frowned at that. Was he really that predictable?

"What are you doing in here, Kasumi?" he grunted, folding his arms and attempting to glare down at her. But her expression didn't change in the slightest, so he gave up and just waited for her reply.

"Exploring," she replied back, cheerily, smiling wide. She looked remarkably like a child who'd wandered into a room full of candy. "Your room really is incredibly boring, Lexi."

"You were expecting fluorescent wallpaper and stuffed animals?" Alex rolled his eyes as Kasumi giggled, pushing past him as if he couldn't have stopped her, and resumed her search through his room. Alex watched her with amusement. "You really have no shame, do you?"

"Shame for what?" Kasumi called back as she picked up an empty holo-frame he'd taken from Shepard's cabin. If he had any pictures to put there, he would have. But no one took pictures with him.

"Nothing," Alex grumbled, reaching her in one stride as he plucked the frame from her hands and put it back. "Don't touch my stuff."

Kasumi smirked at him, utterly unafraid, and Alex felt himself relax slightly. She really did remind him a lot of Dana sometimes. He could remember how Dana would smirk at him just like that whenever she did something to irritate him. She had known Alex would never hurt her, so she had felt confident enough to bother him however possible. _Poking the dragon with a stick,_ Alex mused wryly.

"I know that look," Kasumi hummed, a dark brow vanishing in her hood, and Alex quickly rearranged his face into a scowl, unsure what expression he'd been making.

"Get out of my room, Kasumi," Alex growled, relaxation gone. God only knows what kind of face he'd been making while thinking about Dana. Whatever it had been, it was far too human for Kasumi to be allowed to see it and live. But since she was a friend, he'd let her off easy. "_Now._"

Kasumi held up her hands innocently and all but skipped back to the door, smiling over her shoulder at him. "No need to get all growly, Lexi." _Growly?_ "Shep's more fun to tease anyway." And with that, she waved at him once before bouncing out of his room, leaving Alex alone in the darkness.

He flexed his fingers, frowning.

_Alone._ He furrowed his brow, sitting heavily back on the couch, hearing it creak dangerously under his weight. Being alone had never bothered him before. In fact, he'd gone out of his way for the past two hundred years just to _stay_ alone.

He stared at the door where Kasumi had vanished to go bother the rest of the crew, and shook his head, leaning back on the couch with a sigh.

He'd worry about it later.

* * *

**A/N: **_I've had a few people asking for more interaction between Alex and the ME crew / NPCs, and this is what happened. They'll be one-shots taking place at various points during ME2 (during CDC, hur hur...), and are a direct result of my obsessive need to write. _

_Let me head off the inevitable questions I'm sure to get once people realize I'm posting things again: Yes, I'm still alive. No, this doesn't mean CDC is going to start up soon-I'm still working my butt off with other things. Yes, I still love you all. Especially you. Yes, you. With the face.  
_


	2. Liara

**Liara  
**

* * *

_(Mild Shadow Broker spoilers. Very mild.)  
_

* * *

The first thing Alex thought when he saw Shepard walk onto the ship with an asari at her side was _That had better damn well not be another Justicar._ The asari looked young—much younger than Samara at least—and she was wearing a sort of dress that hinted at being pretty well-off. Alex leaned against the wall as he observed the beaming smile on Shepard's face and the rather withdrawn one on her companion's, wondering just who this newcomer was. He hadn't seen Shepard smile that wide since Tali and Garrus had dragged her back from a trip to Afterlife, and _that_ incident had required copious amounts of wine to accomplish.

He frowned and pushed himself off the wall, about to go and just ask Shepard who the girl was, when Garrus materialized in front of him as if from thin air. Alex cocked a brow as Garrus inserted himself in his line of vision, looking as flustered as it was possible for a turian to be flustered.

"Mercer! Been looking everywhere for you. I need your help calibrating the main gun." And then Garrus grabbed his wrist and began to drag him along. Alex could have easily resisted, but he was amused and more than a little curious why Garrus needed his help for something he had been doing on his own so successfully up until now, and allowed himself to be led away.

"Where's the fire, Vakarian?" Alex asked, smirking, as Garrus fidgeted impatiently by the elevator. Garrus looked at him curiously, brow furrowed, obviously not understanding the figure of speech. Alex rolled his eyes. "Why the rush?"

"Ah," Garrus began to click his talons together, a typical turian sign of distress, and Alex straightened his posture, eyes flashing. He smelled weakness, and now it was imperative he discover its source. From Garrus' sudden flinch, he knew exactly what the look in Alex's eyes meant, and he sighed. "You're not going to leave me alone until I tell you, are you?"

"You know me so well."

Garrus sighed and stepped into the elevator with Alex at his heels, eyes boring holes into the turian's back while he collected himself. "You remember Shepard talking about her old crew? That's Liara, an asari researcher that tagged along on our hunt for Saren."

Alex let his brows rise curiously. Well that answered one question, but not why Garrus was so twitchy now. "The Prothean expert, right?" Garrus nodded. "So what is it about her that has your panties in a wad?"

"My what?"

"Never mind," Alex waved it off irritably. No one on this ship got any of his metaphors. It made him feel old. "What's the problem?"

"Well," Garrus shrugged, "Shepard's been looking forward to this visit for a while now, ever since she resolved that issue with the Shadow Broker, and she gave us explicit instructions to give them some space." Garrus pierced Alex with a Look. "Instructions that you didn't bother paying attention to in the meeting."

Alex frowned, thinking back. Was _that_ what that Mandatory Meeting had been about? He'd zoned out after the first few minutes when nothing exciting happened. "So, why were _you_ the one that pulled me away? You lose a bet or something?"

Garrus didn't respond to that, and Alex smirked.

"You did, didn't you? You lost a bet," Alex let his smirk turn into a grin and Garrus sighed.

"Just… don't bother Shepard until Liara's gone, all right? She really misses her old crew, and Liara and she didn't exactly have a… _good_ reunion the first time they met back up after she got spaced."

Alex folded his arms, tilting his head towards the elevator door in thought. Garrus_ sounded_ pretty earnest in his desire for Alex to leave well enough alone, and Shepard _had_ looked rather happy talking with the asari up on the CIC deck…

But Alex Mercer had just been told not to do something, and now he felt twitchy and irritated, and the only thing he wanted to do was break out of the elevator, crawl back up to the main deck, and insert himself in Shepard's business. He slowly tensed, trying to take his mind off it, but it was pointless. It was in his nature to break the rules—why do you think he had so much fun screwing with the military in Manhattan?—and now he'd been given a shiny new rule to disobey.

He turned back to Garrus with a solemn nod. "I understand." _Doesn't mean I won't just go find them as soon as your back is turned, though. _"I can see how Shepard would want to be left alone."

Garrus seemed relieved. "Good. Thanks, Mercer; Shepard would—what's the human phrase?—_tan my hide_ if I let her get interrupted." Garrus clapped him awkwardly on the back as he slid out of the elevator, leaving Alex alone.

Alex stepped out after him, knowing Garrus would get suspicious if he stayed in the elevator after that little chat. But instead of following Garrus to the gun battery, he swiveled on his heel and headed for the AI Core. He had seen some passages linking throughout the ship on the Normandy's plans, and figured he could use them to get back up to the CIC deck without arousing suspicion.

He never had been good at following instructions.

* * *

It had been good to see Shepard again. Liara regretted how she had reacted at her friend's visit on Illium, but she had had a lot to focus on, and Shepard's brand of boisterous joking had not been at all helpful. Liara smiled as she left Shepard's cabin, caught up on all the recent gossip floating around the ship.

Well, _almost_ all of it. Once or twice Shepard had mentioned someone named Alex, and then immediately clipped her jaw shut and changed the subject. It was as if she was purposefully attempting to keep his existence a secret, and Liara was intrigued. It wasn't like Shepard to keep secrets, especially someone _else's_ secrets, and she'd had the strangest expression on her face the few times Liara had asked her about this 'Alex.' She still wasn't the best at deciphering human emotions, so the look on her face could have been anything from _infatuation_ to _outright terror._ She hoped it was more the former than the latter; the idea of Shepard having someone capable of _scaring_ her on the ship was almost laughable.

She resolved to do some research on this Alex character as soon as she returned to the base. She needed to make sure Shepard hadn't involved herself in something dangerous again; her old friend had enough to worry about without adding some kind of undercover assassin to the mix.

Liara lowered her eyes briefly in concern, and when she lifted them again saw only an expanse of black and grey, and stepped back quickly before she walked right into the person. She frowned in confusion; the hallway had been deserted just moments before… where had this person come from? She looked up at his face—for there was no questioning his gender—and was surprised to find it covered by a hood. She could make out slightly luminescent blue eyes and a smirk, but not much else. Perhaps this was the mysterious _Alex_ Shepard had fumbled to hide?

"You're Liara, right?" the man asked her in a voice that reminded her eerily of all those horror vids Shepard had made her watch in an effort to better understand humans. If Liara had to place him as a character in one of those vids, he would definitely be the villain. "Shepard's friend."

"Yes," Liara straightened. "I am Liara. Might I know your name?"

"Alex." Well that's one mystery solved. Liara could see why Shepard wanted to keep him a secret; Liara had dealt with enough of the criminal underworld to recognize a sociopath when she saw one. She took a slight step backwards, and from the widening of his grin, he had noticed.

This man was _dangerous_, and Liara subtly readied her biotics in case she needed to catch him in a force field and run back to Shepard.

"May I help you?" Liara asked, proud of how even her voice sounded. Alex tilted his head, as if he was trying to figure something out, before he stepped closer and Liara took the appropriate step back. She saw his lip twitch and felt herself grow angry. He was _amused_. How dare he? She pulled herself upright and fixed him with her mother's glare, the one that cowered krogan and made humans cringe back in fear, and was gratified when he paused his advancement and something shifted subtly in his expression.

She watched as his shoulders hunched slightly, lip curling in a slight snarl, and she would swear for years to come that she had heard the growling of some huge beast rumble from his throat. Ice-blue eyes flashed out at her and Liara realized a moment too late that she had unconsciously issued some sort of challenge to him with her gaze, and he was responding aggressively. It was too late to take it back; he would just see her retreat as weakness. So she held his gaze and didn't flinch or waver, keeping their gazes locked, not daring to look away in case he attacked her.

It took all of her considerable will to keep her biotics under control, something about the man just screamed _predator_, but somehow she managed it.

When she didn't react, his expression flickered again, curious, and she watched as his eyes roamed over her with none of the nuances she would have expected from a human male. He looked at her like one predator looks at another, sizing her up, before abruptly he straightened his posture again, rolling his shoulders as if he hadn't just spent the past several heartbeats _growling_ at her, and she blinked in surprise.

"You're not nearly as much of a spineless bitch as Samara," Alex informed her in a tone that suggested he was speaking of a matter of the utmost importance, and Liara felt strangely honored to be given that sign of approval.

Wait… Samara was the Justicar Shepard had invited onboard. Alex had called a _Justicar_ a 'spineless bitch'? Suddenly, Liara wasn't in as much of a hurry to find out who this man was.

"Thank you?" she offered back, unsure, and Alex flashed her a shark-like grin.

"Sure thing," he commented back, utterly at ease, and Liara was helplessly confused. Had she just imagined their exchange a few moments ago? Suddenly he had a datapad in his hands—she idly recognized it as the one she had been holding in her left hand an instant before—and he was looking over it. She couldn't muster the energy to demand it back, and simply watched him. He tapped something on the keys before handing it back, and she looked at it.

There was a new section there labeled _Collectors v. Protheans_, and she looked back up at him curiously, but he was gone. Liara hesitated, looking around uncertainly, before looking down at the pad again. With a furrowed brow, she opened the file and began to read, her eyes widening as she went along. If this was accurate, then that meant—

She almost dropped the datapad, immediately sprinting down the hall towards the airlock. She had to get this back to the base. _Immediately._


	3. Kaidan

**Kaidan  
**

* * *

The man was creepy as hell, hovering over there in his corner like some kind of demented raven. Kaidan wasn't one to shy away from a challenge or be intimidated by unarmed civilians, but the shadow in the corner of the room was really starting to worry him. He had been surprised, not pleasantly so, when Shepard had sent him the message about wanting to meet and clear the air. He still couldn't believe she had sided with Cerberus, and didn't buy her excuses for an instant, but he respected her as his old CO and would at least hear her out.

…but did she have to bring _him_ along?

Kaidan shifted slightly in his seat, keeping his eyes fixed on the silhouette leaning casually against the wall across the room, hooded face casting shadows on his expression, as he waited for Shepard to return. Her omni-tool had gone off mid-sentence and she'd leapt from the chair with a hurried excuse and then she was gone. Kaidan could only assume she was coming back since she hadn't taken her guard dog with her.

He sighed and ran fingers through his hair, conflicted. He had never been able to win an agreement with Commander Shepard. She poked holes in what looked like common logic, and had a counter-argument ready for anything he might say. He was half-convinced she was actually telling the truth about not trusting Cerberus, but it had been a _very_ long two years.

He heard the chair across from him screech back and looked up, expecting to see Shepard had returned, but saw only the hooded man from the corner. The metal chair groaned beneath the man's weight and Kaidan felt a brow twitch into a slow rise. Those chairs were strong enough to hold up a krogan. Why would it buckle beneath a _human?_

"Yes?" Kaidan asked as politely as he could manage. He didn't so much as know the man's name—he couldn't recall if Shepard had addressed him on Horizon or not—but he knew he was a member of Shepard's impromptu squad, and was therefore worthy of at least the bare minimum of respect.

"I don't like you," the man murmured in a low voice that had the hair on the back of Kaidan's neck standing on end. Damn, but the man sounded like something straight out of a nightmare.

"Okay…" Kaidan trailed off uncertainly. That wasn't exactly how he'd expected to start this conversation. "Did I… offend you somehow?"

The hooded man tilted his head down a fraction, and ice-blue eyes flashed out at him. Kaidan would swear they were almost glowing, but that was ridiculous. Eyes didn't _glow_. "I was there on Horizon. I heard what you said to Shepard."

Kaidan stiffened. He didn't have to explain himself to some stranger in a hood. Who dressed like that anymore, anyway? Leather jackets had gone out of style in the late twenty-first century, and a damn hood? That just screamed "suspicious."

"I don't believe we've met," Kaidan muttered through gritted teeth, eyeing the man with barely veiled hostility. He didn't know what it was about the stranger that got his hackles up, but he felt… _cornered_. Even though he was sitting at a table in a rather busy establishment, he felt like he had his back against a wall.

"No," the stranger agreed, sickly blue eyes not blinking. Kaidan idly realized he hadn't blinked once this entire conversation. Why did that worry him? Another quick survey revealed the man wasn't breathing either. _What the holy flying hell?_ "If Shepard hadn't made me promise to behave myself, we would be having a very different conversation."

Now _that_ didn't sound at all ominous. "Are you threatening me?" Kaidan asked carefully. If this civilian was threatening an Alliance officer, he could have him arrested. The idea was oddly appealing.

"No. That was not a threat." The stranger's lip twitched into what might have been a smile, as if laughing at some hidden joke. "It was a promise."

Kaidan took a calming breath, wishing Shepard would return and chase off her creepy crewmember. He casually scanned the man for concealed—or not concealed—weapons, but saw nothing. He was being harassed by an unarmed man? The idea was mildly insulting, and Kaidan frowned.

"I'd appreciate it if you left," Kaidan told him coldly. "I don't know you, and you don't know me. I'd prefer to keep it that way."

To his surprise, the man grinned wide at that, leaning across the table, and Kaidan noticed the metal table began to buckle. Just how heavy _was_ this guy? "Oh but we're going to be the _best_ of friends, Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko." Kaidan sat up straighter in shock. So the man not only knew his name, but his _full name_ and _rank_. "I promised Shepard that I wouldn't consume you," the man went on, ignoring Kaidan's wide eyes at the unnerving implications of that particular statement, "but there are so many _other_ things we can do together."

"Who are you?" Kaidan demanded, half-way out of his seat before something grabbed him by the waist and jerked him back down. He flicked his eyes down and saw to his horror some kind of spiked tentacle holding him firmly in place. It seemed to be coming from underneath the table, but Kaidan would bet a year's salary that it was somehow attached to the stranger across from him.

"You can call me Zeus," the man offered cordially as the binding around his waist constricted. _A warning_, Kaidan realized. "Shepard will be back soon, and I want to be sure we understand each other." Kaidan could only watch as the hand 'Zeus' had resting on the table crawled with tendrils, leaving claws as long as his forearm in their wake. The metallic claws drummed on the table with a series of unnerving _clicks_. "For reasons unknown to me, Shepard cares about your pathetic excuse for an existence. This is the only reason I've yet to bury my claws to the wrist in your torso and devour you from the inside out."

Kaidan wasn't sure whether it was the words or the casual method in which they were delivered that bothered him the most.

"Let me be perfectly clear. You," he poked Kaidan in the chest with a shimmering silver claw, and Kaidan idly wondered why no one was noticing this, "are an ass. If you hurt Shepard again, I will hunt you down and I will tear you _apart_." The claw flashed briefly and Kaidan felt a short searing pain along his jaw, instinctively clapping a hand over the wound as Zeus pulled back a crimson-stained claw and licked it clean, the gesture oddly obscene and more than a little unnerving. Silver-blue eyes flicked up to meet his from beneath his hood, his arm crawling with tendrils again as his claws faded back into a normal hand. The tentacle wrapped around his waist tightened briefly before uncoiling and vanishing altogether, and Kaidan could only stare as the man stood, leaving hand-shaped indentions in the metal surface of the table as he straightened. "I'm glad we had this talk."

Zeus flashed him a grin that was all teeth before he sauntered away, keeping one eye on Kaidan as he vanished into the shadows of the corner.

Kaidan stared dumbly at the spot where the… the _creature_ had just been standing, seeing only empty space, hand still covering his jaw where he was sure he was going to have a scar. The chair across from him scooted back again and Shepard sat down, eyeing the hand-prints embedded in the metal before looking up at Kaidan's pallid expression.

The corner of her mouth turned up in an amused smile, and Kaidan fixed wide, incredulous eyes on her.

"So… I take it you met Alex?"

* * *

**A/N: **_Problem, Kaidan? Trololololol_


	4. Tali'Zorah

**Tali'Zorah**

* * *

"You little _bosh'tet!_"

Alex paused mid-step, glancing towards the drive core as the statement was followed by the sound of someone kicking something made out of metal. He altered his direction and strode smoothly into the drive core, eyes immediately finding the quarian engineer kicking the hell out of one of the panels bolted into the Normandy's hull.

Idly, his memories flickered behind his eyes and a diagram of the ship overlaid his vision. That panel, he noted, was covering the wires and fuses that controlled the lights overhead. He looked up in time to see the strip of light that generally illuminated Tali's workspace flicker on and off repeatedly.

_Yes, I can see how that would get annoying._

Alex watched with growing amusement as the little quarian girl began to pull at the panel, even taking a wrench to it in an attempt to pry the covering off, and then resorted to cursing at it some more and kicking it again.

"Maybe if you insult it enough, the panel will become distressed and simply fall off," Alex offered, watching with a smirk as Tali whirled around in surprise, purple eyes widening behind her mask.

"Alex!" she shouted, as if he didn't know his own name. She turned another woeful glare on the panel behind her, and then faced him fully, folding her arms and tapping her foot nervously. "What brings you down here?"

"I live here," Alex reminded her, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder at where the cargo holds were. He couldn't be sure, but he thought Tali might be blushing behind her mask. "I heard you murdering that panel, and thought I'd better break it up before someone gets hurt."

Tali sighed, the sound odd and metallic through her facemask, and turned to give another half-hearted kick at the panel. "The light started going out about an hour ago," she began, pointing accusingly up at the flickering light. "And the AI claimed that maintenance was busy with a leak on the Crew Deck, so I… took matters into my own hands."

"And how's that working out for you?" Alex asked with a shit-eating grin. Tali just glared at him balefully. He held up his hands to project his supposed innocence, stepping up beside her near the panel, amused when she stepped back warily. He supposed out of everyone on the ship, Tali had the most legitimate reason for being nervous around a walking virus. "May I?" he asked gallantly, gesturing toward the panel.

Tali threw her hands in the air in the universal symbol for _knock yourself out_, and Alex cracked his knuckles—more for her benefit than his—and ran his fingers around the edges, searching for a seam. He could always just tear through the metal, but figured that would just earn him another rant from Joker about hurting his baby. He found a slight gap where Tail's wrench had managed to separate the panel a bit, and wedged his fingers in it, pulling back. The metal gave with an easy groan, and Alex peeled it off the wall, frowning as it bent and curled in his grip. He held the previously-straight metal panel in his hands, not sure what to do with it, as Tali stared at him in obvious astonishment.

He offered her the panel, which she took hesitantly, almost immediately buckling beneath its weight. Alex winced and quickly plucked it back out of her hands so she could steady herself. Sometimes he forgot that things he found weightless had the ability to crush everyone else.

Tali shook her head, and a few deft movements of her fingers later and the light above them stopped threatening to give small children seizures. Alex looked back at the panel in his hands, shrugging and leaning it against the wall before stepping back.

"Thank you, Alex," Tali nodded, a smile in her voice, and Alex found himself smiling a little back. It was difficult to frown at Tali.

"Anytime," Alex replied automatically, surprising himself with the offer. What he'd _meant_ to do was make some kind of smartass remark about women doing a man's job or something equally irritating, but he'd ended up offering future assistance instead. He hesitated, something of his thoughts reflected on his face as Tali tilted her head. "I… need to go," he muttered, quickly turning on his heel and stalking away before Tali had a chance to speak up again.

He needed to go hit something.

Something shaped like a Bitch.


	5. Grunt

**Grunt**

* * *

It was impossible for Grunt to contain his amusement, and he laughed aloud. The little human wanted to _spar_? He was pure krogan! What chance did such a small and puny creature have against him? He would humor the frail human and show it the might of the krogan.

Grunt could not wipe the grin from his face as the puny human took up a slightly hunched stance across from him. It did not even have a proper fighting technique! This would be over quickly. Grunt growled, flexing his fingers as he waited for the right moment to strike. He flicked young-yet-ancient eyes over his 'foe,' searching for weakness. All humans had a weakness; he had learned this after observing Shepard and the other humans on the ship.

The one called Jacob favored his left side—_a blow to the right, turn, strike at exposed left once human crumples, sweep out legs, pin to mat_. The female called Miranda would be more difficult, since she was a biotic, but she was female and therefore physically inferior in every way to a male. She was top-heavy and a hearty shove would send her to the ground, where he could pin her.

The one called Joker was made of glass, and therefore not worthy of fighting.

Shepard would be challenging—it was obvious she was a skilled fighter… for a female—and she kept an even stance, but she was thin and rather short and if Grunt could get in close, he could pin her through sheer weight alone.

But Grunt narrowed blue eyes at the one before him, the one Shepard had called _ZEUS _and the ship called _Alex_. He stood smooth and tall with all the authority of a krogan warlord. His stance was perfectly even, and he kept his hands loose at his sides—Grunt could not find a weakness to exploit besides the fact that humans were simply smaller than the krogan.

With a roar, Grunt charged, planning to intimidate the human into flinching back. A krogan charge was not something to scoff at; he had seen hardened mercenaries leap away at the sight of one.

But Alex did not flinch away. He did not even move. Grunt lowered his head, ready to ram into his foe and pin him to the wall, when he felt the strangest thing. He felt as if he was running in place, his feet unable to find purchase, and felt a light touch on his head. His eyes widened with shock when he understood why Alex had not stepped aside.

He had caught Grunt in the middle of a charge—_with one hand_—and now it was _Grunt_ at a disadvantage.

Before he knew what was happening, Grunt found himself flying through the air and he landed on his back with a surprised exhale, staring at the human grinning down at him. Grunt recognized that grin, and returned it with one of his own. It was bloodthirsty, reveling in the act of fighting, and Grunt knew he had found a kindred spirit.

This was no weak human easily batted aside. This was a krogan wearing human skin; Grunt resolved not to underestimate him again. He rose, cracking his neck, and watched with amused excitement as the human's arms rippled with vines and lethal claws sprouted from his hands.

"Ha!" Grunt shouted, enthusiastic about this new development. Now his opponent was _armed_. A true challenge, at last! Without warning he charged again, but this time he did not lower his head or aim to use his weight against the smaller human's frame. He lashed out with his fist, not faltering when the man bent under his blow like water and slid around to his side.

Claws raked across his armored back—Grunt instinctively knew the human was pulling his strikes, but fought down the rage that summoned—and what felt like the full weight of a thresher maw slammed into his back. Grunt staggered, barely keeping his footing, before whirling with a savage roar and lashing out again. Alex ducked around his clumsy swipe and quickly got inside his guard, blue eyes flashing wickedly moments before Grunt once again found himself hefted off the ground and into the air.

He had exactly one second to marvel at the human's strength before he was flying into the wall and denting the metal hull, rolling to a stop and coughing in surprise. He blinked up at Alex, smirking down at him with the arrogance born of a lifetime of victories, and allowed the human to haul him to his feet as if Grunt weighed little more than a feather.

Grunt stared at him. This was no human. He sniffed the air curiously, intrigued when instead of the familiar smells of sweat and dust that clung to most humans, he smelled death and disease and the sharp scent of old blood. _Very_ old blood.

"You fight well," Grunt acknowledged with a narrowed eye, looking over his opponent again. "…for a human."

At that, Alex threw back his head and laughed. It was not the laughter Grunt had heard from the other humans. It was unhinged, bordering on the madness brought on by generations of constant war—Grunt knew that laugh very well. Many of the krogan warlords of old had laughed that way. "I certainly hope so, considering I'm not one."

Grunt grinned. He knew it. "Heh. Good on you." He clapped Alex on the back, and the man didn't so much as budge an inch from the impact.

Grunt grinned wider as Alex smirked at him, claws shimmering back into human arms again.

_At last._

A worthy foe. And one that merited watching.

* * *

**A/N: **_If you've read CDC, you'll recognize this as the first time the crew realizes Alex isn't human. Shepard watched it on a monitor up in the cockpit, but without any audio._


	6. Udina

**Ambassador Udina**

* * *

Alex was not having a very good day. First, Shepard had burst into his room like a thunderclap and proclaimed that he was going to accompany her to the Citadel, because "if I have to deal with their political bullshit, so do you." Alex had been bored enough to agree without much hassle, and he'd followed Shepard through the Citadel to meet the human Councilor.

Shepard spoke fondly of Anderson, and Alex had already formulated his own opinion about the man. Unfortunately, since Alex was the Normandy's dirty little secret, he wasn't allowed to go into the room and listen to Shepard verbally assault the Council. He'd shrugged and settled in to lean against the wall by the door, waiting idly for Shepard to come back out.

He had expected to be waiting for quite a while, maybe even have to scare off some curious C-Sec guards that had been eying him since he'd arrived. What he had _not_ expected was to be accosted by some kind of human in a dress with a face that not even a mother could love. His expression resembled someone who'd just dunked their head into a toilet and taken a good whiff for good measure, and his voice wasn't that much better.

Alex had been prepared to simply avert his eyes and pretend the walking ass with a face didn't exist, but then he'd heard someone clear their throat and made the mistake of turning his way.

Ass-face did not look amused. "This is a restricted area," he began in a voice that put Donovan Hock to shame. "Do you have the proper clearance?" Alex slowly bristled as Ass-face raked his eyes over his form, and then looked back at his face with clear disdain.

_What?_ Alex glanced at himself, confused. The way the man had just stared at him, like he was a piece of shit stuck to his shoe, made him feel like he'd accidentally shown up to the Citadel wearing nothing but a loincloth. Alex met the man's eye again, and decided he didn't like him.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" Alex asked him, making his voice sound as genuinely concerned as possible, and watched Ass-face's face scrunch in confusion.

"Is _what_ uncomfortable?" Ass-face sneered, and Alex decided he _really_ didn't like him.

"Walking around with that huge stick shoved up your ass, of course," Alex replied with a nonchalant shrug. He was amused to see the human's face redden with anger. "I'd be more than happy to remove it for you."

"How _dare_ you!" Ass-face seethed, stepping closer in a rather hilarious attempt to intimidate him. It might have worked, too, if Ass-face wasn't several inches shorter and if Alex hadn't been a living weapon of mass destruction. "Do you know who I am?" he demanded.

Alex widened his eyes and quickly turned his attention to the nearest C-Sec guard, who'd been watching the exchange with a barely hidden smirk on his face. "Oh my!" Alex cried to the amused guard across the hall, "This poor man has forgotten who he is!"

While the guard broke down in snickers, Ass-face's face had turned so red Alex was amazed smoke wasn't coming out of his ears.

"I am _Ambassador Udina_," Ass-face snarled, fists clenched as if he were seriously considering throwing a punch. Alex dared him to do it with his eyes. That would be more than enough of an excuse to shatter the human's skull. "And I'll have you thrown out of the Citadel for that!"

Alex leveled an unimpressed look at the fuming man. _Wow. He really puts the ass in ambassador, doesn't he? _"Listen up, Ass-face," Alex heard a snort from down the hall. "I don't have the time or the patience to sit here and watch you make a fool out of yourself. I've _eaten_ men more impressive than you, and honestly the only reason I haven't done the same to you is because I'm afraid your idiocy might be contagious." Alex flicked his fingers down the hall with a dismissal in his eyes. "So go on. Shoo. Go bitch at someone else."

"You'll regret this," Ass-face seethed, voice trembling with either rage or fear. Alex didn't really care which one it was, so long as he removed himself from Alex's presence forthwith.

"The only thing I regret is letting you live this long," Alex growled back, finally deciding _to hell with it_ and stepping away from the wall. "Get the hell out of my face before I throw _you_ out of the Citadel. _Literally._"

Ass-face spluttered for a moment before turning on his heel and stalking away. The guard across the hall finally dissolved into laughter, and Alex smirked at the human's retreating back just as the door to his side swished open. Shepard stepped out and took one look at Alex's face and the laughing guard before sighing and pressing her face into her hands.

"All right," Shepard ground out. "Who'd you piss off this time?"

"What?" Alex asked innocently, as the poor guard slid down the wall, unable to breathe. "I met Amb_ass_ador Udina, and we had a conversation about his relative impressiveness as compared to a pile of varren droppings."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "If he starts making trouble for us, I'm blaming you."

"If he makes trouble for us, I'll eat him. Problem solved!"

"That isn't helping, Alex."

"Your loss."

* * *

**A/N: **_Yeah, Udina isn't a crewmember (Thank. _GOD._) But I hate him so much that I decided to throw him at Alex and see what happened. _

_...Alex is the epitome of tact.  
_


	7. Miranda

**Miranda**

* * *

_(Warning: Slightly dark. Nothing mind-wrenching or horribly traumatizing, but it's there. This IS Alex Mercer we're talking about, here.)  
_

* * *

Alex braced his forearm against the doorframe, staring at the red symbol in the center of the door. It was mocking him. He wondered if she had locked it because she knew he was coming, or because she wasn't there. He flicked into Thermal Vision and watched as the walls faded into a transparent blue, seeing an orange blob seated near the center of the room. So she _was_ in there. He clenched his fingers into a fist and drummed his other hand on the doorframe.

Rage still sparked like a slow burn deep inside him, but he tamped it down with an irritated flick of will. If there was one thing Alex loathed with a passion, it was being made a fool of. And that was _exactly_ what Miranda and Joker had done.

_How was I supposed to know what _Fornax_ is?_ Alex coughed into his fist, sending a glare at the scattered crewmembers giving him anxious looks. He growled and glared back at the door. He supposed he could just tear it open, or break it down, but then Shepard would get upset, and he'd have to sit through another lecture on how to take proper care of the ship. He watched through orange-tinted eyes as the blob in the room stood and headed deeper into the room, her back to him.

Alex furrowed his brow, wondering how much trouble he'd get in if he just ate a crewmember and used their body to get inside.

_A lot,_ Alex decided, and discarded that idea. With a roll of his shoulders, he glanced towards the mess hall and saw Tali standing on tip-toe in an effort to reach the tubes of dextro-food kept up in the cabinets above everything else. A slow smile crawled across his face, and he peeled himself off the door to slide over next to Tali.

He tapped Tali on the shoulder, amused when she squeaked and skittered to the side, eyes wide behind her mask. He gestured toward the cabinet with a _May I?_ expression on his face, and Tali seemed to slump in relief, nodding. With a smirk, Alex reached up—_damn but I love being tall_—and plucked one of the tubes out of the cabinet and handed it to her. Tali took it gratefully, eyes squinting at him curiously.

"Hey Tali," Alex began casually, leaning on the counter with one hand, studying the fingernails on the other. "You're an engineer, right?"

"…yes?" Tali replied uncertainly, clutching her tube of dextro-paste to her chest. "Did you need something?"

Alex flashed her his most winning grin. He could be suave when the situation merited it. "Well, you see… I wanted to ask Miranda her opinion on something she sent me, but her door is locked. I think she might have locked it by accident, and was hoping you might help me get it open."

Tali eyed him doubtfully. "I thought you hated the Cerberus cheerleader," she said in a low voice, eyes darting around.

Alex let his grin turn wicked. "I do."

Tali paused for a moment before a laugh echoed from her helmet and she shrugged her shoulders, sauntering over towards Miranda's door and pulling up her omni-tool. Alex followed after her, peering over her shoulder, excited. Tali pressed her three-fingered hand against the door, and her omni-tool flickered and flashed briefly before the red light on the door whirred to orange, and then to green. She stepped back with a triumphant noise, putting her hands on her hips, tube still clutched in one hand.

"There. Give the little _bosh'tet_ a kick in the rear for me, Alex."

Alex grinned. "I will. Thank you, Tali."

She waved over her shoulder as she skipped away, and Alex turned feral eyes back on the now-unlocked door. He cracked his knuckles and tapped the door, watching it whir open, eyes falling on the woman standing with her back to him behind the desk.

Alex leaned casually in the doorway; grin too wide for his face. "Hello, Miranda."

* * *

Miranda sighed, rubbing her temples with two fingers as she poured over the reports the Illusive Man had sent her. Their operatives were being spread thin enough as it was; she was going to have to relocate some of the ones collecting Reaper tech to fix that solar leak on the main base. She flicked cautious eyes back up to her door, checking for the sixth time so far that it was still firmly shut, before looking back at the reports.

The call from Joker had come a few minutes ago, and she'd had to stare at her terminal for several heartbeats before its meaning had registered.

"_Yeaaaah so Miranda. You might want to lock your door. I might have, say, _accidentally_ blamed you for a prank I pulled on Alex, and he might _possibly _be a bit ticked off about it. Just a heads up."_

She had immediately closed all the shutters on the windows—you never know with Alex, he might try and climb in from the vacuum of space—and locked her door with the strongest encryption she knew. She flicked nervous eyes toward the corner of her screen connected to the security cams on this deck, staring dejectedly at the figure that had been leaning against her door for the past ten minutes like a specter of death.

She felt confident in her encryption skills, but the sight of him leaning there with that murderous expression on his face was enough to get her up and pacing. It didn't help that he kept glaring at her door as if he was looking _through_ it, and she couldn't shake the feeling that he was looking right at her, even through several feet of thick metal.

Quickly she began to run through scenarios in her head. She and Alex had never really _gotten along_, but surely he would listen to reason? She'd had nothing to do with whatever prank it was Joker had pulled; she might not trust the walking virus, or particularly enjoy his company, but she wasn't stupid enough to provoke him. And they had been making so much progress, too. He hadn't threatened to eat her in at least a week, and now she had the galaxy's most dangerous bioweapon lounging outside her door.

She would have to speak quickly once he got in—because let's face it, he was a walking chainsaw and a door was not going to keep him out indefinitely—and convince him of her innocence.

She straightened with conviction. Yes. She would simply lay out the facts in a nice, logical order that he could not refute. She could plead ignorance… maybe she could even play down her intelligence, put herself down, make him feel superior. If she came off as adequately pathetic, he might not think it was worth the effort to punish her for something she hadn't even done. Miranda nodded. It was her best chance; the hit to her pride would be worth it if it got her out of this mess with minimal fuss.

She faltered at the sound of something sparking behind the door. An omni-tool? Miranda gnawed her bottom lip. Alex didn't have an omni-tool, which was why she'd felt safe behind a locked door that he couldn't bypass. Someone else had to be helping him. She almost turned back to her terminals to look, but decided she'd rather pretend that no one on the ship hated her _that_ much. Except maybe that animal below deck, Jack, but Jack couldn't bypass her way out of open room.

She began to tap her foot on the ground, fidgeting, eyes flicking around for somewhere she might be able to hide. But there was nothing but her bed and the small attached bathroom, neither of which would fool him for very long. She quietly cursed herself for picking such a utilitarian room, rather than one that actually had a closet she could hide in, or a back door she could escape out of. Briefly, the idea of hiding under the desk occurred to her, but she shoved it aside. That would just be ridiculous.

She heard the door whir open obediently behind her, and felt herself go rigid. _This is it._ He got the door open, and now nothing separated her from Alex Mercer but a small desk and empty space. Immediately scenes began to flash behind her eyes as her mind helpfully offered several possible ways this confrontation was going to go. Most of them involved claws and blades and herself ending up in small, genetically-perfected pieces.

Very few of them ended up with Alex listening to reason.

She remained still for a handful of heartbeats, not hearing anything other than her own breathing and the idle sounds of the ship going about its business. Was he gone? Was he right behind her? She tensed, forcing herself to keep her biotics under control; the last thing she needed was to attack him and give him an excuse to rip her apart.

The door hadn't closed yet. That meant he was either in the doorway, or he had somehow rigged it to stay open. That was fine with her. So long as the door was open, someone might happen by and save her somehow.

Then she heard it. A low chuckle, barely audible, but one that she recognized all too well.

"Hello, Miranda," Alex's voice rang across the room—_yes, he's still in the doorway—_in a tone so casual that if she hadn't gotten Joker's warning, she would have believed he was simply dropping by for a chat.

Except Alex never called her by name, and never stopped by for a chat.

Her pulse jumped, but she refused to turn around and look at him. If he saw the fear written across her face, it would only encourage him. Maybe he was like a bad dream; if you ignored him long enough, he might go away. She heard the door snick shut, and now she was in an enclosed space with him.

She still didn't know what she was being blamed for.

Miranda didn't hear him move, but suddenly every nerve was on full alert and she knew in the deepest part of her heart that he was right behind her. She kept her eyes fixed on the wall across the room, still not hearing anything other than her own heartbeat and her breathing. Did Alex not _breathe?_

She was so screwed.

Miranda couldn't stop the flinch when she felt Alex's hand on her shoulder, fingers idly tapping some kind of rhythm she couldn't place. She didn't even bother to hide her squeak when she saw a glint of silver and his other arm went around her shoulder, claws resting idly around her neck.

"I really should thank you," Alex's voice murmured _way_ too close to her ear. "I've been looking for an excuse to do this for _weeks._"

She had to know. Miranda was not about to be murdered without even knowing what she'd 'done' to him. "What did I do?" she asked, proud of how steady her voice was. The tapping fingers stilled.

"Are we really going to play this game, Miranda?" his black voice asked her sarcastically, but Miranda took heart that he hadn't simply dismissed her question out of hand.

"I'd like to know what I'm being accused of," she insisted, turning her head slightly, glimpsing only a flash of teeth and blue before he was gone, grip tightening on her shoulder as his voice echoed again in her other ear.

"_Fornax_," Alex hissed, all the pretenses at civility dropped from his voice, and Miranda felt herself pale.

_No. No, Joker cannot possibly be that much of an idiot._

"I'll admit, it was rather funny," Alex growled, not sounding like he'd found it funny at all. "Give the virus some tentacle porn," he snapped. "That's not insensitive at _all_."

_Yes. Yes Joker really is _that_ much of an idiot._

"I can assure you I had nothing to do with that," Miranda managed to choke out, feeling the claws draped over her shoulders twitch briefly. "I may not especially like you, but I'm not so much of a fool as to provoke you needlessly."

She heard Alex hum thoughtfully, and the tapping resumed. He sighed, but didn't remove his claws or his hand from her shoulder.

"I believe you," he admitted. "You're a lot of things, but stupid isn't really one of them." He hummed again. "This really puts a damper on my plan to come in here and make you scream."

Miranda didn't dare relax. If he had come in here with a _plan_, she was more than willing to let him think it out without any sort of influence from herself.

Suddenly Alex was in front of her, inches from her face, and Miranda jerked back on instinct only to find herself held solidly in place by his hand on her shoulder. He grinned, and Miranda felt the blood drain from her face.

So far, things were veering down one of those paths her mind had offered that ended with her bloody death. Now that she knew her crime—giving a monster like _Alex Mercer_ a copy of _Fornax_—she had an entirely new venue of punishments to fret over, and all of them were far worse than what she'd come up with previously.

If she survived this, she was going to crush Joker into a tiny pilot-ball and shove him out the nearest window. She could deal with Shepard's anger afterwards.

"You infuriate me," Alex told her in a casual manner, eyes locked on hers, grip tightening on her shoulder. "I was _so _excited about trying out some of those things I read in that damn book…" he sighed dramatically, rolling his head to the side to peer at her out of the corner of one eye, as if he expected her to commiserate with him. She remained silent, fingers clenching and unclenching in an effort of holding back her biotics from throwing him back or catching him in a force field. Things were beginning to look up; if she could refrain from aggravating him, she might make it out of this alive. He looked her up and down, as if considering something. "Hold still."

She didn't have long to contemplate why he would tell her to hold still when she'd barely moved a muscle since he arrived. He lifted his hand from her shoulder and pressed it against her forehead, fingers breaking apart into a myriad of tendrils that made her shiver nervously. "W-what…?" she managed to ask, only to be silenced by the look he gave her.

"It's so quiet in here," Alex continued as Miranda felt those tendrils prick at the skin on her temples. "You don't even know what a blessing that is, do you?"

"I don't—"

Alex shushed her, and Miranda clipped her jaw shut. "Watch. _Listen_."

The world blurred at the edges, and Miranda didn't even have time to panic before she heard a voice. It was soft, quiet, and she blinked and looked around, suddenly alarmed to find herself no longer in her office on the Normandy. She was in some kind of park, but the grass was withered and dead, and the trees were just skeletons clinging desperately to the ground. All around her were countless bodies, all lying in heaps, as the roaring of some massive beast shattered the unnerving silence.

No insects chirped, no birds sang, no dogs barked, no children laughed, no wind blew… Miranda looked up, and the sky was nothing but a red haze, blotting out the sun and sinking into the air like smog. She shivered and tried to take a step, but she was locked in place. She looked down and saw hands grasping her ankles from beneath the dirt, and she screamed, trying to kick them free, when she heard the voice again.

She stopped and glanced up, and then down into the wide green eyes of a little girl, barely seven years old. She clutched half of a teddy bear in her hand, the stuffing barely holding together, as she stared at Miranda as if she had never seen another human being in her life.

"You don't belong here," she said in a voice that was a thousand voices in one. Her eyes narrowed. "You don't belong here," she repeated, pointing, and Miranda snapped her eyes to the side as the nearest corpses began to crawl to their feet, empty eyes staring at her with hands like claws as they began to lurch toward her.

Every corpse pulled itself free of the piles surrounding her, ambling in her direction, as the ones holding her ankles tightened their grip and the little girl repeated her single line like a mantra, finger still aimed accusingly at Miranda. The chorus picked up, until one by one the entire park was full of countless, faceless people all shouting and whispering and screaming and crying that she didn't belong here, that she needed to leave, that she needed to help them, to _please, please end it. Please set us free. Please. Have mercy._

She couldn't even make out individual words anymore—it was just a cacophony of sound and screams that made her eyes water as she sank to her knees, heedless of the bodiless hands still holding her in place. She felt a hand drag along her shoulders, and jerked back to stare into the sickly orange eyes of a woman wearing a strange leather outfit with a collar. She smiled, and the skin on her face stretched oddly and cracked, tufts of orange hair falling free as she tilted her head and tendrils like vines slithered across her face before sinking back into her skin.

"_Welcome,"_ the woman whispered, but it was the only thing audible above the screaming. _"Welcome home."_

Miranda screamed.

* * *

Alex stepped back, letting Miranda crumple to the ground, still shrieking, hands pressing against her head as she clawed at empty space. He watched her for a while, seeing the same thing playing out in his own mind, only with _him_ kneeling in her place. It served her right to suffer some of what he had to live with every day.

He grunted, folding his arms as he watched her scream, folding in on herself. If he was honest with himself, he'd known she was innocent from the moment Joker had blurted out her name. But Miranda had always aggravated him; always putting him down, calling him a creature instead of a person, brushing him off whenever he swallowed his pride enough to ask her for something… he shook his head.

Maybe now that she knows what he has to live with, now that she has heard the screaming for herself, been in that park filled with the nameless faces of his victims… Maybe now she would understand why he growls when people touch him, or when hands enter his field of vision without warning. Maybe now she would understand what he means when he says it's too quiet for him to concentrate, why he wants to be alone, why he shrinks back from human contact when the only thing he can see in his mind is grasping hands and screaming faces.

He steps over her form on the ground, flicking ice-blue eyes back at her as he steps out of her room, letting the door snick shut behind him. He stands outside for a while more, listening as she finally stops screaming once his connection with her fades away. He smiles slightly, hands in the pockets of his jacket as he heads for the elevator, head down to hide his eyes, ignoring the stares following him down the hall.

Maybe now she'd understand.

* * *

**A/N: **_Long one-shot is long. I'm sure you were all expecting something else, right? Well nope! *trollface* I never meant for that scene in CDC to imply that he'd raped her or something, but my incredible lack of ability in putting my thoughts on paper failed in that regard. _

_I'll probably get some backlash for this one, but I don't mind. It doesn't fit *exactly* in CDC 'canon,' but it's pretty close, and I'm happy with it. I don't like Miranda as a character, and obviously neither does Alex, but he makes it very clear during Jacob's loyalty mission how he abhors people who take advantage of others in that particular way. Alex might be a cruel, sadistic, sociopathic monster, but he knows where his line is.  
_

_Call this... an AU of an AU, where I know how to properly convey what I meant to convey without it coming out sounding wrong.  
_

* * *

_**Also: **Just an FYI; my book isn't finished yet-I'm being a bad girl and writing fanfiction in between breaks of real work. I just love writing this stuff too much to stay away; updates will be slow and sporadic at best, but I'm pretty sure they won't stop completely like I had originally intended. Have a piece of this delicious cheese pizza for your patience.  
_


	8. EDI

**EDI**

* * *

EDI was not programmed to be curious. She—a gender assigned to her by the crew of the ship rather than inherently known—had been designed for warfare, for blocking hacking attempts, for being the crutch upon which the rest of the ship could depend in times of need.

But she _was_ curious. And EDI was beginning to find that she had _desires. _She had not been programmed to have desires. But she had them. She wanted to learn, to understand, to put everything into neat little boxes that she could analyze and study and file away for future use.

She was beginning to realize that human beings did not all fit into neat little boxes.

Her first box had been Jeff—her pilot, her other half. He had fit inside his box of humor masking hurt and pain, of sarcastic remarks to deflect her questions, of disdain and mistrust of an AI on the ship. She had put him inside a box, and he had stayed there.

Her second box had been Shepard, the Commander, the one she was programmed to watch and make notes on, designed to send reports to IP_ADDRESS/CLASSIFIED on her behavior and decisions. Shepard spilled out of her box, making illogical choices based on _emotions _and a curious sense of _right_ _and wrong_ rather than facts, treating her crew like equals, regardless of race—statistics showed that Shepard should have been xenophobic, but she was not. She even treated the Batarians equally, despite what should have been a traumatic experience on her home colony of Mindoir. EDI did not understand, and had been forced to expand Shepard's box until she finally found one that fit.

Everyone on the ship fit into a box. Everyone except for Alex.

He was not human, her sensors claimed it to be so, yet he looked like one and talked like one and was treated like one by the rest of the crew. Her scanners picked up only traces of code when she attempted to understand him, incomprehensible lines of DNA and cells that were constantly shifting, constantly adapting, constantly breaking down and rebuilding. He was both the infected and the infection, the disease and the cure, but he was also Alex. ZEUS. He was a man—she uses the term "man" for lack of a better word—without a past and without a future, a man who worried about nothing but could do anything, a man who was not human but wanted to be. He was the pinnacle of evolution, able to overcome any obstacle and adapt to any situation, yet he did not follow the lines of logic that dictated he should be attempting to expand.

He was a virus. Viruses, by nature, sought to spread to others, to infect and recreate and break down and assimilate, and yet Alex did none of this. He fought his nature, and she did not understand why. He secluded himself in small empty rooms, spending his time staring at the wall and defying logic by simply _existing_. He kept himself apart from the rest of the crew—EDI theorized that he did so in a strange effort to protect them from himself—and yet he sought out their company when he was left alone. He craved interaction like any human, needed contact like any human… but he wasn't.

Alex did not fit inside a box.

He saw the world in shades of grey, worked through problems with the speed and acuity of a machine, watched the crew like prey but envied their humanity… EDI did not understand him.

It came to be that she reached the conclusion she would never understand him, and so she ceased attempting to. She would always be curious, but Alex was beyond her capability to define. She asked him, once, what he was. Asked him to help her understand, to define himself in rigid lines and unbroken columns of logic and numbers.

He had smirked at nothing, at everything, at the question itself. "I am… something less than human, but also something more."

EDI did not understand him. He was illogical, impossible, a paradox of conflicting signals; he defied everything her programming had taught her about how humans were supposed to act.

She was going to need a larger box.

* * *

**A/N: **_Let me know if you guys can think of an interaction you'd like to see, so I can be sure I don't miss it. I'll try and get everyone, but better safe than sorry, eh?_


End file.
